when is it my turn?
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: What does a person do when every time they have complete confidence their decision will turn out in their favor, and every time it sends them nothing but regret and depression? What do you do when you always end up screwed?


Everyone makes decisions.

It'd be impossible for us to live without making them.

It could be life changing decisions; important decisions that could either help you open a door to a bright and successful future, or ruin you and sentence you to a lifetime of misery and despair.

No one can be completely certain of the outcome of the decision they make. They may assume, or guess or be pretty damn accurate to the actual outcome, but no one can ever know for sure.

Sometimes, it's nothing like the outcome, but God gives you something even better than what you hoped for. Or karma comes around to bite them in the ass, and the outcome is nothing what they hoped for and their life slips slowly slips from the grasp their fingers are holding onto for dear life.

Things don't always work out the way people hope for or expect, but the final result doesn't always screw them over.

It just so happens, fate screws me over every time.

What does a person do when every time they have complete confidence their decision will turn out in their favor, and every time it sends them nothing but regret and depression?

If someone knows, please tell me the answer.

No matter how much thought I put into the decision, no matter how long I think it over, no matter how thoroughly I examine each pro, con, and outcome, and I still end up screwed.

At this point, it's my whole life.

I'm so used to being screwed over it doesn't even upset me anymore, because honestly, I don't for a bright outcome.

Because I know it just won't happen.

I don't believe in the bad luck crap. Luck has nothing to do with it. It's just the simple fact of the universe's ultimate hatred towards me.

But I can't change fate, so who am I to argue?

I'm just the person who can't make a single right goddamn decision.

And that's how I ended up here.

Sitting all alone, chugging down the whiskey, and trying to stop the burning in my lungs from the previous pack of cigarettes you just smoked in record time.

The big puffy dress Cat talked you into buying swirled all around, your veil somewhere lost in the corner, but you don't care because all of it is just one big, unwelcomed, reminder.

What lead to this?

Oh, that's right. One of the longest chains of bad decisions you've ever experienced.

When you were fourteen, you were ecstatic. Thought the world was finally looking up for you, and the dark storm clouds of ill-fated decisions would clear. They didn't.

In case you're wondering.

For the next four years you thanked the God, he didn't wake up one day and come to his senses and realize how much better he really deserved. He never did, and you were glad, because you know once he did it would be all over.

You were hard to deal with, that much for sure. So you were glad when he never flipped out at you, even if you deserved it. The endless hours you spent lounging around the RV were some of the best you will ever have.

So you soaked it all in, happily going through each day knowing you finally got one thing that worked out well for you. That was until he gave you that ring.

One little tiny ring, silver, with a black inscription.

_i love you_

So you take the promise ring, not realizing that'll be the first bad decision in the chain soon to come.

You don't think much of it, until you're out of high school and you're on the beach and he's getting down on one knee and holy shit is that an engagement ring in his hand?

You say yes of course, and you've never seen him so happy. And seeing him happy makes you happy.

So again, you don't think much of it.

That is until you're behind the church door. Your hair is all curled and done up, you're dress is puffy and white, your face has more makeup caked on it than ever before, and Cat is waiting anxiously in front of you. It isn't she turns around, smiles, and says "You ready, Jadey?" that the panic sets in.

This isn't you, you don't commit to things, especially to a relationship. You leave people, you hurt them, that's what you do.

You feel fenced in and you begin to hyperventilate, and then you're choking on your own oxygen when you can't get the air down your lungs through the tight corset of the dress.

Cat notices your stress and places her hands on your shoulders, taking the bouquet from your shaking hands.

'I can't, I can't, I can't.'

Comes out of your mouth, your head is pounding and the room is spinning.

You were out of there before Cat can even object or convince you to stay.

You run to the motel across the street, convenient huh?

You ignore the looks everyone gives you, before locking yourself in a room and slowly destroy yourself.

You drink away the pain and guilt and hope that someday he'll forgive you.

Although you can't shake the feeling that he won't.

You lay down and pray the room will stop spinning soon.

It doesn't.

You really should have seen this coming. I mean, c'mon how could you be so stupid to think something would actually work out for you.

So you just drink away your problems, and remember the decision you made that you swore would be a good one.

One that would work, and actually bring you happiness.

But like all the others, it only screwed you over.

You should have known.

But you screwed yourself over, by making the worst decision you ever have.

He put his heart out to you, loved you.

What you always needed so you didn't mind.

Gave you everything you ever hoped for.

What you always wanted so you didn't mind.

But when he got down on one knee, and showed the ring.

You said _yes._

**A/N: Just something random.**

**Please review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


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